The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
