I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
