Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
