i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
