I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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