I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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