apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize