I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh god it's open bar.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
