Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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