I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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