how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
