Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
