i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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