Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
