I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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