Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
