Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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