he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
