I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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