I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We smell like vodka and hangover
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