i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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