I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
