yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
