$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
