4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
