glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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