You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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