he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize