Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize