i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
