I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
