I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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