I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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