you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
