I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can I color on your dick again?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize