I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
