I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
