the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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