her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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