"it" just moved
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
