Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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