I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
