just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
