just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
