judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
