don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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