if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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