I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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