do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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