Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
