I just pynch a tree in the face
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
