if only i could text you this smell
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
