I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
