and she was petting her beer can
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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