I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
