She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
