Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
