i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
