somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
