I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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