new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize