I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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