So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
