Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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