i wish my penis had a tongue
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
