I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
