My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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