Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
