Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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