Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
