Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
