I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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