Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
